lilxmizxroxtar's Journals on Buzznet http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/ en-us <![CDATA[Omfggg Heyy!]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/5605251/ Like the worlds quickest update before i head to work (Yeah working gal now woo)

How long has it been guys! i miss you all muchly

Guess i just got outta the buzz scene. maybe a blessing in discuise, i couldnt handle my alevels with Bnet as a distraction as well as facebook!

Wanna get re-aquianted with you all so Look me up, im on facebook , Dani lee :D

ill update something soon, keep you posted on mee :D

XOX Dani

]]> Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-12-08T10:25:00Z <![CDATA[Oh Haii!!]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4491931/ Well hello my loverlyyyss.

How is everyone this fine day/night/afternoon wherever you are.

Im trying to keep my promise on the whole updating more thing, im halfway through the next chapter.

GCSE results today :D

i got 16 GCSE's!!!

11 C's
4 B's
1 A

:D im chuffered be on belief , and because i passed them all, i get a full weekend camping ticket to Reading Festival Next Year :D

How'd everyone else do that got results today?

Mucho Amour :D


xx

]]> Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-08-27T05:20:00Z <![CDATA[Gone AWOL]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4472341/ First off, i need to give a major sorry so.


Im Sorry!!!!!!

 

I have been neglecting my Buzznet, ait neglecting isnt the right word at all. i have Abandoned my Buzznet for the past month or so. My Fanfic hasnt been updated in a while, i havent spoken to anyone on here besides Aine in a veryy long time, i havent posted photos, commented on friends stuff and i feel quite shit about it all. Im so sorry you guys. i will try and update more in the next month or so, including what you are owed of my story :D and some pictures perhaps of my life. i start 6th form on the 4th september, And my GCSE results come through next week.

So like i said, im sorry guys and i owe you all sooo much. im going to get better at this whole blogging thing. i promise

Danielle XOXO

]]> Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-08-22T04:50:00Z <![CDATA[Nasty Habits 5/?]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4362201/ I Leant over the side of the toilet and vomited into it, groaning loudly. it was the fifth morning this week it had happened, and it was quite frankly the last thing i needed. I Couldnt get sick now, it was the middle of tour and i risked passing it on to everyone. i sighed, and wiped my mouth, before brushing my teeth. My head was spinning, with thoughts and memories. Mostly thoughts of Niko, whom id been talking non-stop for the past two weeks, and was maddingly like me. We enjoyed the same music, like Kings of Leon and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. We were both Vegetarians and we both were addicted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These were just a few of our similarites, and they were playing on my mind. The memories, however, were those of Brendon and Myself. they were there to try and convince myself that i was with Brendon, and Niko should be the last thing on my mind. i pulled on a skirt and t-shirt, before leaving the bathroom. i sat in the living room, and at 6am i was alone, until my Sidekick rung. i didnt need to check called ID to know who it was
"Hey Niko" i said, happy to hear is voice. Unhappy that i was happy to hear from him
"Hey Babe, how are you?"
"Im a bit sick"
"Oh, is it bad?"
"No, i dont think so. im just vomiting every morning"
"Oh. i hope you feel better soon Baby" i sighed, hating myself for being happy he calls me Baby.
"What are you doing?"
"Im in the bus with the rest of the guys on the way to Arizona"
"Oh yeah, i forgot thats the first date ill get to see you again"
"Mmmhmm, i cant wait. i have to meet a friend at the Starbucks on the highstreet, but ill be straight over as soon as"
"Thats good. im looking forward to seeing you" i heard someone stir in the bedroom
"Whats going through your mind right now"
"A Lot of things"
"Complicated Lady" he laughed, and i was happy to hear his laugh
"Like you wouldnt believe" Ryan walked out of the Bedroom and dissapeared down the corridor
"Whats your favourite choclate, mine is dark mint choclate" Fuck, another similarity
"Same as me" He laughed
"Favourite drink" was his next question
"Orange vitamin water" i waited for his reply, but i knew it already
"Same as me"
"Suprise " i said and laughed
"We are so alike its scary"
"I know" More scary than he could imagine. i was more alike with thi sboy than my boyfriend, and i was having feelings for this boy that i definitly shouldnt be having whilst in a relationship. i sighed
"Ive got to go baby, i will see you at about 7pm?"
"Yeah sure"
"Bye
"Bye" i hung up and sighed. the bedroom door opened and Aine walked out wearing Spongebob shorts and a vest top. i smiled at her and she grinned back, her sidekick buzzed and she sighed with content after reading it.
"Wahts made you so happy" i asked and handed her some biscuits.
"My friend just messaged me"
"Friend?"
"Well Boyfriend. he is travelling with some mates and is meeting me in Atlanta for a few hours. i havent seen him in ages"
"Aww" i couldnt hide the shock at the Atlanta part, but i figured it was just a coincidence "How long have you been dating?"
"About a year"
"So its serious then?"
"Yeah. i love him with all my heart. he was m first, But please dont tell Brendon"
"I Wont hunny, but be careful , yeah"
"Of course"
i grabbed my sidekick when it buzzed again. i read the text, which was of course from Niko.

ill meet you by The Venue at 7pm baby. we can go for a bite to eat alone xx

i text back, replying that would be fine, and then continued to talk with Aine.
"So whats his name?"
"Nikolas" i spat my tea back in my cup. Too close for comfort to Niko, but i blamed it on another coincidence.
"How old is he?"
"23" Same age as me. And Niko
"Wow Aine, your only 17, thats a big age gap"
"I Know, but we love each other
"If your sure"
"Promise you wont tell Brendon!"
"I Wont. but maybe you should"
"I Cant, he wont let me see him"
"Okay" i sighed and leant back, closing my eyes.

My Head was literally swimming.Was it too much of a coinicidence that Aine's boyfriend was meetiung her in Atlanta, the same as Niko, was the same age as Niko, and had pretty similar names. i sighed, trying not to think about it, and even though i had only been awake for an hour or so, i feel into a deep sleep.

It was the afternoon when i awoke, and the bus was teeming with life. Brendon was sitting next to my head stroking my hair. the other were immersed in a game of poker, except for Ryan, who was once again reading. i sighed and sat u, to be greeted with a kiss from Brendon. i kissed him back intensly, i think perhaps it was guilt.
"Whats the time"
"4"
"Shit. thats late"
"Yeah, you must have been exhausted"
"Hmm."
"We are nearly there, only a few minutes away"
"Okay" i stood up and walked to the bathroom, knowing exactly what was coming. I Leant over the toilet for the second time that day and vomited what little i had eaten into the toilet. i brushed my teeth and straightened my hair, jumping at the sound of a knock
"Babe, we are heading into the Venue" Brendon called
"Okay hun, be out in a second. wait for me" i finished my hair and grabbed one of Brendon's hoodies, before running out of the bus and grabbing his waiting hand
"I Love you , you know that" i told him, not only to conivnce him, but to remind myself.
"I Know, but honestly baby whats not to love" he grinned
"Shut up Goofball"
"Honestly though, i love you too spazztazz" We stopped for around ten minutes, just making out in the middle of the carpark, when an angry Ryan came out to get us. we just giggled and ran past him.

Aine dissapeared at 6pm, and i had to re-assure Brendon that she was fine
"Just gone to meet some old friends" i spun a lie for him, protecting her. i knew it was wrong, but i didnt want to betray her trust. i knew she was fine though, and she returned at 6.45 to the bus, where i was waiting with her pass
"Brendon thinks you were with old friends. Now go!" i handed her the pass and she thanked me and left. i had exactly fifteen minutes to change and leave. i grabbed a top that my sister had bought me, that was black and pink, as well as some faded skinny jeans. i checked my appearance twice before leaving.

There he was, even more handsome than i remembered. Something sexy about the way his brown was coming back through on his hair, and his face was stubbly. But he was still what i remembered. i greeted him with a hug and sat down.
"So baby, how have you been?"
"A Bit ill, but you know"
"Aww."
"How was your friend?"
"She was good. had a great catch up"
We sat in silence for a few moments, before he spoke again
"Im crazy about you" he whispered, loud enough for only me to hear
"What" i asked, even though i had heard him
"Im crazy about you Faye" he said, louder
"Niko, dont please"
"Why. you know we are perfect for each other. these past two months, we have clicked in such a good way. i know you feel the same"
i couldnt deny it, and before i knew it, he was at my side, pulling me into a kiss. It wasnt anything like Brendon. Brendon was sweet and gentle. Niko was firm, yet soft. i liked it a lot, and it took me a few minutes to realise i was kissing someone who wasnt my boyfriend. i pulled away
"Niko. i cant"
"Why not baby"
"Because i just cant" i ran away, racing as quickly as possible to the bus and jumping on board, closing the door quickly. i colapsed at the door in tears. what had i done. i had just made out with a boy that i wasnt dating. i was just as bad as Brendon had been. it took me by suprise when i felt someone grab the handle of the bus door, so i had to quickly run to the bathroom. next there was a banging on the door
"Faye you will never guess what!" Aine shouted from the other side. i wiped away a few tears and comnposed myself before calling back
"What?"
"I Came clean to Brendon about Niko!" she called him Niko. it had to be him.
"Umm. okay. what did he say"
"He is coming on tour with us!" i stumbled a bit, grabbing onto the counter for suuport
"What!"
"Brendon spoke to him on the phone and incited him on tour! can you believe how awesome that is!"
"Really cool" i sat down on the floor.
"Shit" i whispered to myself.

The next day was awful. reality hit me as soon as i woke up, i was a cheat, a liar and worst of all a coward. i woke up with a headache, and rushed to the toilet to be sick, immediatly followed by tears. i was just so emotional i couldnt hold them back anymore. i vried for what seemed like half an hour, before showering and changing. As i was going through my suitcase looking for clothes, i noticed something. Something i had completly forgotten about, becuase they hadnt come. Something that hadnt come for the three months we had been on tour, nor the month before tour. i grabbed the blue box
"SHIT!" I Ran down the corridor towards the drivers compartment, ignoring a distressed brendon, who had heard me curse. i banged on the door. Derek, the disgruntled drived shouted
"Come in" i pulld the door open and sat next to him in the front
"I Need you to stop at the next pharmacy"
"Why"
"Please!"
"Okay"

ten minutes later, i was peeing on a little white stick. it was the fifth one i had done, and i was in denial. each one before had said posotive, and this one was no different.
"Baby, you have been in that bathroom an awful long time" brendon called
"Go Away" i shouted, chucking the latest stick in the sink. i pulled up my top, how could i not have noticed before. i had been sick when waking up, more emotinal than normal, and how could i i have put this bump down to tour over-eating, i was quite clearly four months pregnant. how could i have been so stupid!
"Baby, please" i heard him push on the door.
"Brendon, dont hate me"
"I Could never hate you, but please let me in" i twisted the lock and Brendon fell into the tiny bathroom, landing on me
"What is up with you" he very nearly yelled, and i burst into tears. he looked shocked at first, but wrapped his arms around me
"Baby, what is wrong!" i reached back and grabbed the sticks out of the sink and handed them to him. he stared, a blank expression on his face.
"Four months" i said, like i was answering his unspoken question.
"Oh" was all he said
"It must have happened just before you left for three weeks. "
"Shit"
"Im sorry brendon"
"Its not your fault baby"
"It is, i should have been more careful"
"Me too. now we will get through this. but first we have to go and meet Aine;s boyfriend. but i promise we will tlak properly later" he kissed my forehead and grabbed my hand.

Shit, we were going to get Niko.

ooooh Drama!

1. Whatya think?
2. Niko/Faye or Niko/Aine
3. Should faye tell Brendon about Niko and her

]]> brendon urie ryan ross Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-23T17:04:00Z <![CDATA[Nasty Habits 4/?]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4335181/ "You Two, i know you think we are cool with the whole ' you two are back on and in love' thing, but we will start hating on you if you dont stop making out in public" Jon said, throwing a pillow at us. i pulled away from Brendon and laughed.
"Sorry Guys, but ive spent a couple of months away from him, i just cant seem to keep my hands off him" for effect, i ran my hand up his chest
"Yeah, and its nobodies fault but yourselves that you didnt have each other"
"Sorry Jon, was i just supposed to forget that he cheated on me?" my mood flicke dfrom happy and cheerful to angry and upset the moment Jon made that comment. i leant away from Brendon, sitting dead upright
"No, i didnt mean that Barton, i just meant you might not have taken so long forgiving him"
"Huh! was it meant to take me a week to say"Yeah you broke my heart, but hey lets get back together. i think i have done well getting back with him after two months, i didnt need to get back with him at all"
"Yeah Bu.." Jon went to argue more, but Brendon stood up
"Yes, you did do well Babe, in forgiving me, and im very thankful for that. Jon is just grouchy because his girlfriend isnt picking up he phone to him, and i have my sexy girlfriend here to hold" he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his head on my shoulder, quite a low drop for his tall statue to might below average height
"Now Jon, if you wouldnt mind, can you stop taking out your anger on my girlfriend, and perhaps try and patch up your relatoinship?" Jon huffed and stomped into the bunks. i couldnt help but let a laugh slip out.
"I Love you Brendon"
"I Love you to Faye" i placed both my hands on his cheeks and pecked his lips. i could tell he wanted more but i heard spencer groan is disgust when Brendon leant in, so i pulled away.
"Later Sweet cheeks" He promised me, before sitting on the sofa, dragging me to sit next to him.
"Hmm, Tonight, what shall i do tonight" i was actually hoping to get away from the hustle and bustle of the concert tonight, but didnt quite know how to tell Brendon
"My sister is coming, i forgot to tell you"
"Huh!"
"My Sister, she is coming to spend a few weeks on tour, maybe more"
"Oh , Okay"
"Wanna show her around tonight?"
"Brendon, i know i have never met anyone in your family, which is shocking considering we dated for five years, but i was actually hoping i could get away from the concert tonight. it gets very overwhelming and i was hoping i could spend my night off away from screaming fans and hippy rugs
"Hey!" Ryan said, taking offence to the hippy rugs comment. the rugs they stand on were his idea, and he stood by them
"Sorry Ryan, but i mean it Brendon, i just want one night away from it all, then i will be refreshed for tour again tommorow"
"Okay, one night away. ill just get someone from the support band to show her round"
"Might i suggest Leah from Vintage Video. From what you tell me about you sister, she tends to like Musicians, so if you send along a girl, she wont fall in love with he tour guide"
"Good idea, ill IM Leah now"

"You sure you dont wanna come out to the concert?" Brendon asked, hovering just outside the bus door, his eyes pleading with mine
"Im Sure Brendon, i just need a night to myself"
"Okay, i love you"
"I know, i love you too". he eventually left and i shut the bus door. i had decided to go get some starbucks first, so i donned so skinny jeans and a Panic! top, before grabbing my jacked and heading out into the dark. The high street wasnt to far away, but when i left starbucks, it was raining, so i ran. i couldnt see where i was going properly, and before i knew it, i was on the ground, on top of a stranger
"Oh Shit!" i scurried up and ofered a hand to the stranger. he took it and pulled himself up.
"Im soo sorry" i gushed
"It doesnt matter, honestly"
"Seriously, im sorry, ive spilt cofee all over you" a cars headlights beamed, shedding light onto the stranger. God he was good looking.
"Im okay, lets get out of the rain though"
"I Was just heading home though?" i said, though i wanted to follow him
"One coffee, and besides the cafe is closer" i sighed and followed him into the little cafe, where he ordered to coffee's. as we sat down, he pulled down his hood and i got a good look at him for the first time. he was blonde, though i suspected it was dyed, but it looked good. He had pale skin and intense black eyes that shone. he had a small amount of stubble around his face, which was dark brown. he was so handsome. i shook my head and looked away.
"Im Niko by the way" he said, in an accent i didnt recognise
"Im Faye" we sat in silence for a few moments
"So what brings you to Atlanta?" He asked, stirring his coffee with a spoon
"im touring with a band, im their merchandise manager"
"Oh Cool. Anyone i may have heard of?"
"Panic! at the disco?""
"Really!, that is awesome. im in a band, but no where as big" he laughed.
"What are you called?" i asked
"Made up Nation"
"Interesting name"
"Not really, it was just a jab at the amount of make up girls in america wear"
"Oh right" suddenly conscious of the fact i had eyeliner, mascara and blush on
"You dont wear to much htough, i like that" i blushed
"Im touring with my band at the moment as well"
"Oh cool , so where else are you going?" he pulled out a piece of paper that i recognised as a tour schedule.
"Oh coo, well ill be in the same town as you for 7 of your dates"
"Thats awesome, cani take your number, maybe we coul meet up" i sighed, and thought of Brendon, who at this moment would currently be prancing about on stage with his guitar, but then i thought, hey, we were just friends, so i gave Niko my number, and took his in exchange
"So tell me about yourself Faye, tell what makes you , you" he said and i sipped my coffee
"Im 19, my birthday is January 4th. I Grew in England, but my parents moved us to Nevada when i was Nine, where i met the guys of Panic. i grew up with them, and have been on every tour they have done. they are my best friends"
"So are you english, or american?"
"Half, my mother was English, my father is american. its why we moved to Nevada, my grandmother, Dad's Mum, was dying, and he wanted to be closer to family"
"Oh, sorry. what do you mean by you mother was english? i dont mean to pry"
"It doesnt matter, it doesnt affect me as much as it used to. she passed away 5 years ago. she had a tumour, but they found it too late"
"Oh shit. sorry, i didnt want to make you talk about something you dont wnt to"
"Honestly, im good."
"So, any brothers or sisters"
"I Have an Older Brother, but he is 30, and an older sister who is 25"
"So your the baby of the family"
"Yah," i finished my cup of coffee "i better be going, i didnt realise the time. the guys will be heading back to the bus now"
"Okay, dont forget to text me" he leant in and kissed me on the cheek. i caught his scent as he leant in, it was nice, a very masculine smell. he was till leant in when i met his gaze.
"See you later" i pulled away quickly before i found myself kissing this boy. i left the cafe and sprinted down the high street, makign it back to a thankfully empty bus. i knew the guys would be just leaving the venue, i had a few minutes to calm my breathing. i slumped on the sofa, trying to catch my breath.
"Shit" was all i could say to myself. the bus door swung open, and the noisy chatter of the guys swirled into the bus. they entered the living room, and Brendon leant in to kiss my lips
"Hey Baby, have a good night off"
"Yeah, it was relaxing. i watched Moulin Rouge" i had seen that film so many times, it was easy to spin a lie that i had been watching it
"Again! man you have seen the billions of times"
"So, you watch Finding Nemo near enough everyday!"
"True, True. Faye, id like you to meet my little sister, Aine" he brought forward a girl who looked to be a year or so younger than me. she had shockingly vibrant blonde hair, green eyes and fair skin. she looked nothing at all like Brendon, and i think she could sense i thought this
"Step sister is more the right term Brenny. My Mum has blonde hair and green eyes, Yours has brown hair and brown eyes" i smiled gratefully at her and gave her a hug
"Im Faye, Brendons Girlfriend"
"Nice to finally meet you" She gushed " You know, Brendon has been telling me about you non-stop since we started arranging i was coming last week. he told me you were gorgeous, and for once in his life, the boy didnt exagerate. Your really pretty"
"Aww thanks Hun, but i would kill for your hair colour, it is immence"
"Guilty, its out of a bottle, my natural hair is more of a dirty Blonde" she laughed.
"You'll have to dye mine for me sometime, im bored with my Black hair"
"Is that natural?" she asked, sitting down next to Ryan, who was on his Laptop"
"Unfortunatly, Yes. My Dad had Black hair up until he turned 45, then it went grey"
"Yes, my dad had no hair. it all fell out"
"Ahem, OUR dad has no hair."
"Sorry Brendon" She laughed again.

The next day, i was woken up by my sidekick ringing. i answered it gorggily
"Morning coffee Buddy, get out of the rain alright?" i was woken up instantly. attempting not to wake anyone, i jumpede out of bed and wandered into the living room, sitting on the couch and curling up
"Hey Niko, hows it going?" i finally answered
"its goign good, just fancied talking with you again. i enjoyed our little meet yesterday"
"Yeah, it was good to meet someone new on tour, it can get quite boring around here. but still, we have an extra addition on board now"
"Who"
"Brendon little sister"
"Oh cool. where is my invite on tour then?"
"Ive only just met you Niko" i laughed and i heard him laugh as well
"What are you upto now"
"Well you just woke me up, so im trying to stay awake"
"Sorry, we are on our way to the next Venue, and i cant stop thinking about you. i tried to leave it as late as possible to phone, but half 6am was all i could manage" i blushed.
"I Have to Go Niko. i think i have woken someoen up"
"Okay, see you soon i hopE"
"Yeah , you too" i hung up and bashed my head on the sofa.
"
What the hell had i gotten myself into.

Lack of lateness , no excuse mesides laziness.
1. Whatya think?"
2. What do you Make of Niko?
3. what do you think wil happen between Niko and Faye

Danielle xxx

]]> Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-16T05:18:00Z <![CDATA[Zomg Harry Potter is IMMENCE]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4330891/ sooo, trying to keepy my cool here. oh what the fuck

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE IS FRIGGIN AWESOME.

okay, im over it now.

I thought it would be two and a half hours of bum-numbing entertainment, but honestly, my Tush didnt ache at all. it was a truly amazing film, which i could quite happily watch again =]

ZOMG! Today, i had my FIRST Ever VITAMIN WATER
Holy shit that stuff is addicting

i had the lemonade flavour one and was like No way this stuff is great, so on my way back from the cinema, i bought five =] two lemonade, three fruit punch. i need to venture and by the other flavours haha

XOX

]]> harry potter Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-15T10:15:00Z <![CDATA[RE Nasty Habits]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4319711/ i had a whole chapter written

BUZZNET FUCKING DELETED IT!

Im now left with half a chapter, and its frustrating, so gonna be a day or two before posting it sorry guys

 

Daniellargh!

]]> Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-12T03:58:00Z <![CDATA[Nasty Habits 3/?]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4309491/ "Faye Elizabeth Barton, do you take this man to be you lawfully wedded husband" i stared around, horrified at the scene before me. hundreds of my friends, staring at me with eager eyes. The man before me, dare i say my fiance was not the man i loved. he was not even a patch on the man i loved. he was staring at me with wide eyes, trying to convince me to say those to words that you say on your wedding day. i looked down at the ghastly white dress that i was enrobed in and drew my eyes back to his face
"I Cant, i dont love you" he stared at me, wide eyed " I Love Brendon"

I Sat up dead straight in bed, bashing my head on the roof of the bunk again.
"Ow Shit" i whispered, laying slowly back down on the pillow. I Remembered everything that happened the night before, which amazed me. I Was'nt angry with Brendon though, something else that amazed me. i knew he still loved me, and i guess he couldnt help himself. i sighed, and laid my arm across my eyes.

That dream was weird. the guy standing in front of me was someone who wasnt in my life, so i guessed he was just a symbol of what i didnt want. and then the dress. it was disgusting, really trashy. but the bit that freaked me out was the Brendon thing. i kne wi still loved him, but dreaming about ruining a wedding for him. Sheesh. i checked the time, it was still early morning, about half 6am, so i swung my legs out of bed , amazed to see i was actually dressed. Brendon must have done that. The rest of the bus was cold, and i shivered as i walked the corridor, regretting not pulling some trackies on over the tiny shorts brendon had dressed me in.

i pushed on the living room door, startled to see it wasnt empty. Brendon was sitting curled up on the sofa, fast asleep. i stood over him, watching him sleep. he was snoring quietly, and had a smile on his face. I amazed myself with the emotion i still felt for him. he was still the love of my life. i reached across and moved a bit of his fringe out of his face and he stirred, causing me to pull my hand away quickly. He mumbled something, that was clearly my name, before falling deeper into sleep. i sighed. It was hard to forgive a man for hurting me in that way, truly difficult but i couldnt deny my feelings. i felt the bus shudder to a halt, our usualy early morning stop. i placed a kiss to Brendons forehead, before walking towards the bus door
"Faye?" Brendon said. i thought for a second he might be still asleep, but i turned to see his eyes wide awake. we stared at each other for a second.
"Im just going to grab something from the shop whilst we have stopped, i need to talk to you when i get back though, whilst everyone is still asleep"
"Okay"

i left the bus, after pulling on the closest t-shirt i could find. it was one of Brendon's and it smelt like him. a cross between cinnamon and candy floss. it was just so him. i ran across the forecourt and into the garage shop. i filled the basket with some red-bull and sweets, before paying and going back to the bus. i sighed in dissappoinment when i noticed everyone else was up. Brendon stared at me with Pleading eyes from behind his glasses. i shook my head. i knew he meant can we still talk, but i couldnt say what i had to say in front of everyone else. i wandered into the bunk room, stowing the sweets and stuff in my suitcase. i came across the pills and alcohol whilst i was there, frowning aat it. i could ruin my life anymore than i already had done, so i grabbed what i had left and walked to the bathroom. i poured the vodka down the sink, and flushed the few remaining pills down the toilet. it was the easiest way, quitting cold turkey.


After the worlds worst shower, i tried to find something to wear. i pulled on some faded jeans and rifled round my suitcase for a top. i came across a t-shirt that i hadnt even realised i still had packed. Brendon and i had had our photo printed on a tshirt. i thought i took it out once i repacked my bag. i clasped it to my chest, thinking about our relationship. i sat on the floor and rested my head on my knees, still clutching the t-shirt. Tears started escaping my eyes, and before i knew it, i was full on sobbing. i must have been there for a good five minutes, when i heard footsteps in the corridor. i quickly wiped my eyes and stood up, pulling the t-shirt on and grabbign a hoodie, covering up the picture on the front. as the door was opening, i pulled on a pair of sunglasses.
"Hey Ryan" i said, a little to enthusiasticly
"Hey Faye. What are you upto?" he eyed the suitcase, which was slightly strewn across the floor
"Trying to find something to wear"
"Why have you got sunglasses on"
Shit. "Um, my hayfever is flaring up"
"Oh right, we are about to put a film on if your interested"
"Sure, ill just put this away and be out" he left the room and i kicked everything into my suitcase. i grabbed my sidekick and wandered to the lviing room, sitting on the sofa next to Spencer. Five minutes into the movie, my sidekick buzzed

Brendizzle: Im sorry the guys got up. what did you want to talk about?

i sighed and began to type my reply


FayeBar : Bren, i cant tell you on here. i need to say it face to face

Brendizzle : Okay. Are you okay?

FayeBar: Im Fine Brendon. Shut up and watch the film you goofball :P

Brendizzle: Okay SpazzTazz. Catch Ya Later.

i laughed quietly to the reference to our old nicknames for each other. since we had met each other i had always been spazztazz, and he was goofball. i sighed and typed a reply


FayeBar: Yeah, see youu

Brendizzle: I Love You.

FayeBar: I know...

 

i Helped the Roadies with the equipment, before starting to set up the merch tent. there was loads to do, which gave me more time to think about everything. i knew that between soundcheck and showtime, there was about an hour, and i knew brendon would find me. 6 o'clock approached and i was getting nervous. i was feeling something close to stagefright, and i knew what i was going to say would be hard. I Heard someones alarm on their phone chime 6 and i kne wit wouldnt be long until he arrived. Sure enough, he came meandering over to the merch table at 6:05

"Wanna Go Chat while we have time?"
"Yeah"
we left the main part of the venue, and found an empty dressing room to talk in. we sat down next to each other on the sofa.
"What you wanna talk about then Faye?"
"I Cant do it anymore Brendon"
"Do What?" he stared at me from behind black framed glasses
"I Love you Brendon. You Hurt me more than i can stress, but i dont want you out of my life anymore"
"Im Sorry"
"Stop apologising. I Know your sorry. im trying to tell you i forigve you"
"Oh" he smiled a sheepish smile
"And i still Love you" we stared at each other for a few moments, before our lips connected in the middle. it was the re-union kiss and it was better than i had imagined. he was soft and gentle, and i wrapped my arms around him, pulling his face closer towards mine in an attempt to feel him more, but his sidekick ringing broke us apart.
"Fuck" was all he said as he picked it up
"What do you want Ryan?" he said and there was a muffled reply
"I Know ive gone, ive just gone for a walk. stuff i need to sort out. ill be back soon" and he hung up
"I Love you" he said and i smiled, leaning forward and resting my head on his chest. his arms curled round me protectivly, and i felt him press his lips to the top of my head.
"i dont think we should tell people yet."
"Why?"
"I Dont know. just feels like we should keep it a secret"
"I Want people to know. i want people to know that i love you, and i doubt ill be able to refrain from touching you whilst people are around"
"Its not that difficult"
"You dont know how beautiful you are. its been heartbreaking not being able to hold you in my arms these past few weeks"
"Okay. maybe we should just not tell people, and suprise them haha. their faces when we kiss would be priceless"
"Yes, that would be fun, but we should get back. fans will be arriving soon and you have a merch table to work" i groaned, but he still pulled me up, and we walked along hand in hand until we arrived back at the main venue, where he kissed my cheek and ran off to get sorted.

I am so blissfully happy now. i knew i had done the right thing, Hadnt i?

Hey guys, sorry it wasnt up quicker.   i had written a full chapter three, that went in practically the opposite direction to this chapter, but i deleted that to write this.

1. What you think?
2. favourite character ? ( i know there arent many, but there will be some more introduced soon. AINEE!)
3. What do you think should happen next?

 

Daniiii

]]> brendon urie jon walker ryan ross spencer smith Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-09T07:54:00Z <![CDATA[Nasty Habits - 2/?]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4288021/ People always say you should throw yourself into different tasks to get over heartbreak, so that was what i was doing. The next morning i woke up early. The sky was bright, and i was trying to be positive about the day. i pulled on a spotty dress and cardigan, as well as some flip-slops, before sticking my hair up in a bun and leaving the house

The office was not far from my street, so i was grateful for that. i didnt want to be driving far in this heat. i pushed open the door and was greeted by the Aircon. i pushed my sunnies to the top of my head
"Hey Bob, Hey Zach" i said, sitting down at my desk and grabbing the first of the boxes of merchandise. i needed to start sorting through it, and divide it all up.
"Hey Faye" bob was the first to speak, but Zach was the first to mention what happened
"Faye, are you okay?"
"Im fine Zach, honestly. i had a bad spell last night but Ryan sorted me out and now im fine"
"But , how can you be fine. 5 years Faye"
"Yes Zach, and ill be fine if people dont mention it to me. im taking each day as it comes and trying to occupy myself so that i dont go out of my mind crazy and do something i regret"
"But, you have to spend the next 8 months on the same bus as him"
"OKAY ZACH!" i shouted and bashed my fist on the table "Sorry, please just stop going on about it all. im trying my hardest to block it out of my mind and i could do with you stop talking about it"
"Sorry"
"its okay Zach. im sorry for shouting"
i started doing  my work, unaware that the guys were on their way here for one last timetable check and to double check all there equipment. i was sorting  out a box of Panic Sunglasses when the door swung opened. i glanced up to see ryan walk in
"Hey Ryan, how are you today?"
"Im good, but er.. What are you doing here?"
"Sorting out the merch for tommorow. saves me a job whilst on tour" i said, writing down the amount of sunglasses in the box, and how they should be divided out, depending on venue capacity
"Oh, erm, Sure that is a good idea" Then the door swung open again and the rest of the band walked in. i gulped, composing myself as i felt all eyes on me, and sat back down, pulling over the next box, which judging by weight, was t-shirts.
"Faye, Can we talk" i heard his sheepish voice over the desk as i was bending down to grab something i had dropped
"I have nothing to say to you" was my simple statement
"Please"
I ignored his plea and carried on with my work. eventually he skulked off into the room next door. i breathed out, amazed that i had refrained from hitting him. i grabbed my handbag, pulling out the cigarettes and lighter and leaving the office, leaning on the wall outside and lighting up. 2 minutes later, the door swung open, and thankfully, Jon walked out.
"Hey Barton"
"Hey Walker"
"How are we today"
"I am good"
"Psyched for tour?" he asked, obviously trying to avoid bringing IT up
"Psyched is not the word i would use"
"Go Figure"
"Well, that stuff isnt gonna sort itself out. Catch ya later Walker"
"Adios Amiga"

The next morning was unfortunatly another early one. the starting day of tour was always hectic, and with my mind being always occupied with different tasks, i didnt have a spare thought for brendon
"Are you sure everyones stuff is on the bus?" i asked the drive, who i had given a checklist to, but he hadnt filled it out
"There are no more suitcases about Ma'Am"
"Doesnt mean there all on there"
"They are" and he just left, walked away. i felt like shouting but i didnt, there was other things to sort out. i grabbed my carry-on bag and boarded the bus, entering the confined space of the Bunks.
"Your bunking above me Faye" Ryan informed me, as he was storing his books on his bunk
"Right" i shoved my bag up there, before going to check the kitchen.

Two hours later, and we were off. then it kicked in what i had actually done. I Had willingly got on the confined space with the boy i loved who broke my heart, and would be stuck there for 8 months with him. Also, everyone knows how boring buses could be, so now i would sit here for 8 months and wallow in my own misery. Oh Joy. i stared around me. Jon was playing on his Sidekick, like usual. Spencer was talking to his Girlfriendon his phone. i tried to ignore the Love you at the end of his conversation. Ryan was reading, what looked to be a well thumbed copy of Invisible Monsters, but i couldnt tell. i turned my head and i met his gaze. he was staring right at me, his Wide brown eyes full of emotion. they just about screamed Im Sorry, but i blinked away from his gaze, going into the bunk room. i climbed into my bunk and shut the curtain. then all the emotion i had been bottling up for the past two days came out. i cried non-stop for what felt like days, but i knew was only a few hours. my eyes, red-raw from crying looked tired, but hurt. i would have a hard time covering up this from the guys. i tried my hardest though, and was glad when the bus stopped, because 1) it was the chance to get off the bus
2) i could immerse myself in jobs
3) i could forget about Brendon

to my suprise, i was last off the bus. Most of the guys were already in the Venue, but Ryan was waiting for me.
"How you holding up Faye?"
"I Dont want to talk about that Ryan. Please, i just want to be alone"
"Okay , but im here for you" he ran and caught up with the others. i grabbed a bottle out of my handbag and poured two of the pills into my hand, before chucking them into my mouth, i blinked and swallowed, before entering the Venue.

The fans were going crazy for the Merch. i was worked ragged, and was amazingly happy that i didnt have to think about my life. about an hour after the concert, there was still people buying merch, as well as people hanging round in an attempt to meet the band. i grabbed the bottle out of my bag again, placing two more pills in my mouth. when nobody was looking, i grabbed the small bottle of vodka from my bag and swigged it, binking as it burned my throat. replacing it in my bag, i turned round
"Barton! that was such a great show!"
"i know Walker, you did immensly great"
"i know you dont want to talk about it all. but how are you holding up?"
"Honestly Walker" i swigged my water " The love of my life slept with a tart, tried to blame it on me. im now alone in my own mind, left with nothing to think about but how he betrayed me, whilst being stuck in a confined space with him for most of a day, and i have to put up with this for the next 8 months. but other than that, im peachy perfect"
"Oh" was all he could say
"Well, we are all packed up here Walker, im going to get some sleep on the bus whilst you guys sign some shit."

i climbed into my bunk, hugging the bottle of vodka and pills to my chest. i swallowed two more, and chugged the vodka. within the hour, the whole bottle of alcohol was gone and i was sound asleep.

The next morning i woke up in hell. without even checking  my reflection i could tell my eyes were all red and bleary, my hair was probably nest-like and i had the worst headache you could imagine. i sat up straight, forgetting i was in the smallest bed eveer and bashed my head on the top of the bus
"Ow Shit" i said and climbed down, clutching my head. i staggered to the bathroom, annoyed to find it locked. i banged loudly
"Oi, stop that banging Barton" i heard Jon shout from his bunk on the othe side of the room. i sighe dnad lent against the door. i dried to stroke my hair flat and rubed my eyes, when the door swung open. Brendon walked out, and looked at me. His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying and as he was looking i could see his eyes start to well up again.
"Faye, Please" i glared, before pushing past him and slamming the door
"BARTON , URIE I AM TRYING TO SLEEP. STOP BANGING AND SLAMMING STUFF!" I Heard Jon shout as i stared in the mirror. a comb wasnt going to fix it, so i climbed into the dingy shower, that only allowed us two minutes of hot water. five minutes later, i was refreshed with minty breath. i left the bathroom, laughing at Spencer, who was outside the door dancing around.
"i need to pee!" he said, pushing past me. i grabbed some wet look leggings and a long t-shirt, pulling both on , using my towel as a sheild. After that, i grabbed the small medicine bottle and popped two more pills in my mouths.

The living room was brimming with life when i entered. Bob and Zach were playing some form of card game on the little table. Ryan and Spencer were playing guitar hero, and Brendon was curled up on the sofa. The snoring come from the bedroom notified me that Jon was yet to wake up. i sat down beside Bob, and stared at the game the guys were playing, but i could feel his eyes on me.
i ignored it, grabbing my i-pod i plugged my headphones in, grateful when i felt the bus stop for a gas. i grabbed my handbag, which was large. in the shop, i paid for two large bottles of vodka, as well as some sweet treats. i sighed as i got back on the bus, swallowing two more pills, washed down with vodka. Part of me knew that sinking my depression with alcohol and prescription drugs, but it was helping.

 

NARRATIVE : A Few weeks of tour past, and Faye still didnt talk to Brendon. she was drunk almost every night without fail, and was still hooked on prescription drugs. she was amazed that she could keep it a secret from the guys. but still she sunk further into depression, and continually used alcohol and drugs to try and get out of it.

Brendon's POV

it was literally killing me inside, and i wanted to know how Faye was handling it. i was the one who cheated on her, and i felt like tearing my hair out. she was showing perfect composure almost all of the time. or so we all thought. She was working the merch tent after a gig , and i was exhausted, so i left for the bus. as i walked past Faye's bunk, i saw it. there was a few large bottles of vodka, all empty. i pushed the curtain back. i counted five bottles. thats five bottle of vodka in the space of two and a half weeks. i moved her duvet and something in her pillow rattles. i reached inside and pulled out a drugs bottle. the label said painkilers, but they were strong ones, and you can only get them if your prescribed them. i sighed and nearly jumped out of my skin when the bedroom door swung open. i whipped round to see Faye standing there
"What the fuck!" she yelled, staring at the empty bottle in one hand, and the drugs in the other.
"Faye, what are you doing"
"That is NONE of your business" she grabbed the bottle and the drugs, shoving them back on the bunk and closing the curtains
"Faye, you need help"
"Dont you dare tell me what i need. its your fault this is happeneing to me" and in a strange twist of events, she was bawling her eyes out. i didnt know how she would react, but i took the chance and wrapped my arms around her. to my suprise, she folded into my chest.
"I Love you Brendon and you broke my heart right in two. how could you brendon, seriously how could you"
"I Cannot tell you how much i am sorry. i love you more than you could know and it was the biggest mistake of my life"
"Yes it was. but i cant stay away any longer." she pulled  away and leant into her bunk, grabbing a bottle of vodka. i watched in horror as she downed half of it. she wiped her mouth and swayed on her feet.
"I Love you Brendon" and i felt her mouth lock onto mine. she didnt taste like her, she tasted of the alocohol.
but i couldnt stop her as she started to undo my shirt

]]> brendon urie jon walker ryan ross spencer smith Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-03T14:29:00Z <![CDATA[Nasty Habits - 1/?]]> http://lilxmizxroxtar.buzznet.com/user/journal/4279461/ The rain splattered on the windscreen of my car as i drove, too fast, through the rain. it was a bleak night outside, the dark sky seeming menacing and the blaring headlights of other cars speeding past me. my phone, which i had thrown angrily onto the floor of my car, was beeping ferociously. i ignored it, concentrating on the slippery road. i felt mixed emotions, relief perhaps, when i turned into my drive way. i grabbed my bag and the still beeping mobile phone and ran through the rain into my house.

My home was warm, comforting and smelt like home. it was all i needed, well that and a tub of ice cream and tissues, but that could wait. i flung myself down on the sofa and buried my face into a cushion, screaming. emotions sped through my mind. Betrayal, Hurt and dissapointment. Why would he do it? was all i could ask myself. Tears streamed down my face and i hugged my knees, not being able to shake thethoughts of what had happend

i was so excited about seeing Brendon after a week of being apart. we had been dating for over 5 years. i was there for him through the start of the band, through when they got signed and had stuck by him on all the tours. We were still madly in love, and i was amazed. Everytime we saw each other after a length of time, no matter how small it was, he made me feel like i was the most special person in the world, and i was so excited about seeing him this time, as it was a suprise. i nearly screamed with excitement as i pulled into his driveway. it was raining , but i didnt care. i grasped the knocker and banged loudly. the door swung open and i saw him
"Brendon!" i through my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. his arms slowly wrapped round my waist.
"Babe, what are you doing here?" he seemed slightly paranoid that i was here, but i didnt care
"Im suprising you. i mean i had to drive for three hours to get here, but it was worth it. i bought us dinner" i gestured to the chinese take-away bag that was in my hand as i pushed past him and walked into the living room
"Oh right" i turned back to him
"You hungry? and is there any reason your only in your boxers" i stared at him waiting for an answer
"I was, er , Tired and was asleep when you pulled in , i heard your car" i stared at him, slightly curious about his answer, but i ignored it.
"i ordered the chow mein, i know its your favourite" i said from the kitchen as i grabbed some forks and plonked myself down on the sofa.
"Come on, i know this is your favourite" he glanced quickly towards the stairs, before taking a seat next to me. i kissed him on the cheek and started on my dinner.

15 minutes later, and we had  finished the dinner, snuggled up on the sofa
"I Need the loo, be right back" i jumped up and headed for the stairs
"No Wait" he called and i stopped on the first step
"What?"
"Um, i dont want you to leave me" and he followed me up the stairs. i wandered past the first few doors
"I can never remember where the bathroom is" i alughed and grabbed the door handle. Brendon grabbed my hand and held the door shut
"You cant go in there"
"Why?"
"Its not the bathroom"
"What are you hiding from me baby, is it another present?" i pushed on the door, but he held it tight
"You cant go in there" i stared at him, and he seemed to adamant that i couldnt go in there. i pushed on the door again but his firm grip kept it shut
"Brendon, what the fuck is in that room" i said and he looked sad
"Trust me, you dont want to go in there"
"Yes i do"
"No you dont"
"Brendon, i swear if you do not let me into this room i will kick you so it hurts" he wavered slightly, but still held onto the doorknob. i grabbed the handle and shoved on it with all my might. i was stronger, and the door flew open and i fell into his bedroom. i could instantly smell her. her sweet musky scent, like nothing i would ever wear. i loked at Brendon before i could bring myself to look at her. suddenyl it all made sense. his half naked state, the wanting to keep me with him and his attitude. i drew in a breath and turned my head. Sitting on the bed was a girl in her underwear. she was skinny, with tumbling blonde hair. she was gorgeous, and half naked in my Boyfriends bed. i turned back to Brendon, staring up at him from my place on the floor, tears already forming in my eyes
"Why?" was all i could utter out.
"im so sorry. i was lonely, she showed and interest and i was weak. it was because i missed you so much and you didnt come to visit any sooner, ple"
i cut him off " DONT you dare blame it on me!" i said, sturggling to keep my composure. i grabbed a cushion and flung it at him, before the tears started streaming down my face. i stood up and pushed past him, running down the stairs, him right behind me
"Please babe" i turned round my eyes blazing " Dont you dare call me Babe, because i am no longer your babe. Dont try and call me, stay out of my life it is over. You are an Arsehole Brendon Urie and i hope you rot in hell"

They were my last words to him. now i was sitting at home, curled up in a ball, and a few empty bottles of vodka on the floorr, crying my eyes out. i didnt fall asleep, but i wasnt aware of the shift between night and the early morning, or when i could hear the chimes of the Midday bell, i didnt register it. i did however register the loud banging on the door. i stood up and ignored the atty haired, bleary eyed girl that was in the mirror i walked past and yanked my front door open. Standing there was His best friend. Ryan Ross
"if youve come to plead his case, your wasting your time" i meant to say, but it came out slurred.
"I havent, i just wanted to know if you wanted to talk"
"No ryan, so you can fuck off" i feebly pushed his shoulder, but he caught my hand
" Look, Faye, what are you doing?"
"Im getting over the biggest mistake of my life" my slurred speech wasnt helping my case
"You shouldnt be getting drunk Faye"
"Who are you to boss me about"
"Im one of your Friends, so i know whats best"
"But your his friend as well Ryan. He Broke my heart" and in a strange twist of events i was crying. Ryans arms wrapped protectivley around me and i was sobbing into his chest.

"Sorry about earlier Ryan, i dont know what came over me"
"Its okay, you just need to get your head sorted"
"How long has it been going on"
"Honestly Faye, i didnt know it was. i think he knew what my reaction would have had i told him. he knows how i care for you"
"Thanks Ryan"
"Look, maybe you should talk to him"
"Sorry Ryan, but its not going to happen at all"
"But Faye, think rationally, your kind of our tour merch manager, and tour starts in like , two days?"
"Well, i could just avoid him for the tour"
"Avoid him for the whole 8 months that our world tour is"
"Well ill just hand in my notice then shall i?"
"No, because then i wont be able to see you"
"Look, ill talk to him when im ready ryan, but not before"
"Okay Faye, i have to go get ready for tour, you finished packing?"
"Yeah, by i might have to re-do it"
"Okay, see you friday sweetie"
"Bye ryan" i hugged him goodbye and slumped on the sofa.

 

Two days until hell starts

Right new Fic! Tell me what you thinkk?!!!

]]> brendon urie ryan ross Buzznet lilxmizxroxtar 2009-07-01T14:19:00Z